The term “relationship bases” has recently gained popularity. The phrase has gained popularity in the United States. The phrase and its references have found their way into popular culture in the United States, appearing frequently in teen films, songs, and TV shows that use metaphors. But what is it, exactly? It has become ingrained in the lingo of Generation Z, as the youth use it frequently in their conversations. Knowing popular lingos can keep you informed about the current situation and prepare you for the next steps in the dating game. Read this article to learn about the various definitions of relationship bases and the considerations to make before pursuing these options.
People use the metaphor of ‘bases’ to describe how far they have physically progressed with someone.
Because these euphemisms are most commonly used in the United States, people interpret the bases in a variety of ways.
The four bases are, in general, as follows:
# Kissing at first base
# Touching and fondling are the second base.
# Stimulation below the waist is the third base.
# Sexual intercourse is a home run.
The base system, ironically, comes from baseball, and understanding the metaphor requires a good understanding of how the game is played.
Baseball is a complicated sport that is difficult to explain in detail, so for those who have never played or watched baseball, here is a basic explanation:
A pitcher tosses the ball at the batter, who must hit the ball as far as possible.
There are three bases and a home plate, where the ball is struck.
After hitting the ball, the pitcher must run to each of the bases around the pitch and touch each one in turn before returning to their home plate.
The number of bases you run determines how many points you get, so if the batter makes it back to home plate, it’s a home run, and your team wins.
Because the system dates back many decades, it’s unclear how bases became a code to talk about sexual experiences.
Some speculate that it gained popularity around the time of World War II when sex was still a taboo subject and no one knew how to discuss it openly.
During the 1990s and early 2000s, the base system became very popular, thanks in part to films like American Pie.
The base system is also lacking in uniformity.
Because there are no universal definitions, what each base means varies depending on who you’re talking to and what they know.
If you’re not familiar with the terms, you may only be aware that something sexual occurred, but you have no idea what it was.
This could lead to misunderstandings when speaking with friends or even sexual partners.
It’s especially useful to know how the bases are most commonly used in situations like this.
What Are The 4 Bases In Dating?
# The Four Bases
There’s a lot of room for perception with the base system.
Some may not consider kissing without a tongue to be part of first base, while others consider oral sex to be part of the home base rather than third base.
Certain acts, such as sexting, aren’t even defined, so it’s usually up to the individual to decide where each act belongs.
In general, most people define the four bases as follows:
# First Base: Kissing
First base is considered the first glimpse of success in baseball because it is the starting point.
Kissing, as the most innocent of romantic acts, serves as the springboard for everything else, as it leads to more meaningful touches and deeper physical intimacy.
While light kissing, such as quick pecks, can be included in first base, most people associate it with open-mouth or French kissing, making out, or snogging (as the British call it).
Going to first base for the first time in a relationship is a crucial step.
Not only does a good kiss cause the brain to release happy chemicals throughout the body, but it’s also how most people judge their partners’ physical chemistry.
Both partners are likely to perceive the kiss differently than the other, so it’s important to let your partner know if you don’t want to go any further than kissing.
After first base, there’s no set rule for when you’re “supposed” to move on to the next stage.
After a long kiss, your partner may expect you to do more. It’s critical, however, that you’re both at ease and prepared for each other.
# Second Base: Touching and fondling
Getting to second base in baseball is already a major accomplishment.
Because there are only four bases, you’re already halfway home and have a much better chance of winning.
The second base is a step up from kissing and into more steamy, sensual territory for many people.
The second base entails stimulation or petting above the waist, which entails touching, feeling, and fondling the chest, breasts, and nipples above or below clothing.
As it becomes more intense and your hands begin to move around, second base is a natural progression from kissing.
While the mood is building and the chemistry is flowing, there is more skin-to-skin action.
Straight men, on the other hand, were likely to decide that second base should be limited to “fondling breasts,” because their counterparts wouldn’t have much to focus on above the waist.
Others consider touching and groping the butt to be part of second base.
It’s also possible to count sensual touching around the erogenous zones.
Because the erogenous zones contain a large number of nerve endings, they are extremely sensitive to touch.
Stroking the erogenous zones can help you connect with your partner and learn about their preferences.
Aside from the ears, mouth, lips, chest, breasts, and nipples, your partner might have erogenous zones on the inside of their wrists, thighs, or hip bones.
# Third Base: Stimulation Below-The-Waist
Many people find the third base to be ambiguous and difficult to define because it shares many characteristics with the second and fourth bases.
The third base is the closest to sex for many lovers because it goes into new territory below the waist.
In sports, getting to third base is akin to getting home, so it usually involves direct contact with the genitals.
Reaching third base entails putting away the chaste kissing and rummaging through the clothes.
Touching, feeling, fondling, stroking, or fingering the vagina, clitoris, penis, or testicles are common examples.
This is the point at which you and your partner forget where you are and focus solely on pleasing each other.
Aside from hand stimulation, many people consider oral sex to be part of the third base — though some still consider it to be part of homerun.
You’re probably getting undressed with your partner at this point.
You may feel nervous or self-conscious if it’s your first time, but don’t be concerned.
Because you’ve made it this far, your partner is clearly interested in you.
# Fourth Base/Home Run: Intercourse
Penetrative sex is commonly referred to as “hitting a home run” or “reaching home base.”
This term is the most universal of all the bases; everyone understands what it means when it comes to genital interaction.
Intercourse is thought to be the ultimate form of sexual intimacy because just like in baseball, in terms of sexual intimacy, reaching home base is the goal.
At this point, you’ve completed all of your tasks with your partner. And hitting a home run for the first time no longer qualifies you as a virgin.
It’s critical to communicate well with your partner before moving too far into the final base.
Because having sex is an experience you can’t take back, sharing it with someone — whether it’s a casual fling or a serious relationship — is important.
Even if it’s not particularly exciting to discuss, mature adults should consider using protection to avoid contracting STIs or unexpected pregnancies.
It’s important to relax, have fun, and not take the experience too seriously once you’re ready to have sex.
Sex can be awkward, clumsy, and messy, especially if it’s your first time with someone new, and most of us have idealized experiences in our heads.
During the act, however, it’s perfectly acceptable (and even encouraged) to laugh, let loose, and focus on developing a bond with your partner.
# What are our new four love foundations?
- Infatuation and lust
Lust and infatuation are the starting points. It’s the starting point for all physical feelings and intimacy. You will not want to have sex with someone with whom you are not enamored.
You meet someone and realize you’re madly in love with them. Everything about them makes you want them more, from their physical appearance to the way they speak.
The more you learn about this person, the more you like them, and the more you want to get to know them physically. It’s also fine if it’s pure lust. Sometimes all it takes is a strong physical attraction to set the sparks flying.
Because infatuation is something we can’t avoid, this is the easiest base to reach. Whether we like it or not, lust is a natural part of our lives.
When you’re infatuated with someone, all you can think about is how to spend more time with them. Here’s how to tell if you’re falling in love.
- Be respectful
Respect is the second foundation. It may not appear to be an important aspect of intimacy, but it is essential for forming a bond that goes beyond self-gratification.
The original baseball metaphor for sex was designed to objectify. It is the act, not the person, that is important. An intimate relationship, even if it’s only a few hours old, requires mutual understanding that neither of you is an object or a tool to be used for selfish personal desires.
The objectification of women and the commodification of sex have caused enormous problems in society; eradicating those age-old constructs is critical for many people’s lives and relationships to improve.
When you get to know someone, respect comes naturally. If you’re enamored with them and interested in them, you’ll come to appreciate all of the wonderful qualities that make them so unique.
- Importance of Consent
You can’t hit a home run without reaching third base, just like in baseball. Consent is perhaps the most important of the foundations for achieving intimacy.
It’s not just about how far you can take a relationship with a woman (or a guy). This way of thinking contributes to a rape culture that is extremely harmful to both men and women. It is critical that everyone is not only aware of it but also takes proactive steps to combat it.
# How do you proceed from one base to another, when dating?
So there you have it: a crash lesson in the four fundamentals of dating. Knowing something is one thing, but experiencing it is quite another. To successfully navigate these stages, you must play your cards properly, time your move well, and most importantly, be patient and empathic in your approach.
Let’s take a look at how you may navigate through the phases without appearing creepy, so you don’t end up with three strikes while chasing the home run.
# What is the most efficient way to reach first base?
Reading body language to make sure the other person is ready for that first kiss before you lean in is all part of getting to first base. As a result, pay attention to the movements of the person you’re with. Do you feel like you’re on the same page? When they’re chatting, do they lean in close to you? Are your fingers naturally intertwining?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, now is the time to take their lips. Have the grace to accept and withdraw if you misread the signals and they aren’t ready. You may also ask outright, which is always a good idea. Just because you want something doesn’t imply the other person has to give it to you.
Plus, if your date is interested, they may take steps to begin it, such as moving closer to you.
# What is the best way to get to second base?
It’s time to figure out how to go to second base in dating now that you know what it is. Did you feel like you both wanted more while you were kissing? Is it true that your bodies were crushed up against each other? Is it true that your hands were racing up and down each other’s backs? If so, try slipping your hand under their clothes and moving your fingers down their belly and back to test the waters.
Before moving on with this level, you should always get permission. Even if you’re in the middle of a passionate kiss with all the physical indicators in place, asking for permission to let your hands stray won’t ruin the moment.
After a spell of hot, passionate kissing, it takes a lot of self-control to hold oneself back, so take your time getting to second base and beyond.
Giving in to your desires on the first or second date may be premature. Before you take the plunge or give your partner the green light, get to know one other a little better. For guys, the second base is just as important as it is for their female counterparts. If you’re dating a man, don’t assume he wants to move out of this stage as soon as possible. Get to know him, take a look around the space, and ask for his permission.
# What is the best way to get to third base?
Oral sex is the third basic meaning in a relationship, and it’s usually a major deal in the early stages of any relationship. It’s a highly intimate time to transition from kissing to oral sex, and speeding it could spoil the whole process. Unless you’re looking for a casual hookup, take your time thinking about how to get to third base since things get intense at this point.
It’s a good idea to take a break from exploring your second base and see if your spouse is ready for more. If you answered yes, then go ahead and experience the new heights of carnal sensations.
The solution to how to get to the third base can be as straightforward as that.
It’s also vital to take the time to get to know each other before making this concluding move because some oral stimulations can put you in danger of STDs. As a result, you must be very certain of your safety. At this point, using protection like condoms or oral dams is an excellent idea. Furthermore, you should be on the same page in terms of what you want out of the relationship, since if one is only interested in gaining experience while the other is emotionally committed, it may lead to a lot of heartaches.
# What is the best way to get to the fourth base?
The most crucial thing to remember in your relationship is consent. This cannot be emphasized enough. Before hitting the home run, talk it over with each other and make sure you’re both ready. Coaxing is not consent, so don’t put pressure on your partner. In the same way, don’t succumb to peer or partner pressure. You must go at your own pace and when you are prepared.
Make sure you’re ready when you leave. Buy your own condoms, that is. Don’t put your trust in the other person or engage in unprotected sex in the “heat of the moment.”
Put it off till later if you don’t have any protection. Also, make sure you’re in a secure location.
Be sensitive to your partner’s wants and cater to their enjoyment during the act. There is no greater irritant than being in bed with someone who is self-centered. It may jeopardize your relationship.
# The timeframe for jumping the bases
The idea that there is a set of rules for progressing across the relationship bases is incorrect. Each pair progresses through the sexual basics at their own pace.
Going too slowly or too quickly is a matter of personal preference. There’s no secret formula or calendar that tells you how to work your way through the relationship foundations.
Don’t follow some arbitrary guideline in the hopes of winning someone’s heart by postponing, or having sex before you’re comfortable.
Do what feels right to you. What if your partner refuses to follow your rhythm? Look for a new partner!
Because we’re talking about sexuality, we shouldn’t overlook the significance of safeguarding our own and our partners’ physical health. It’s critical to have the “have you been tested?” dialogue as we go over the relationship fundamentals.
Before you hit your home run, you might want to both go to a clinic and get checked for sexually transmitted illnesses. Even if you both test negative for HIV, condoms should be used until you commit to a monogamous, trusting relationship. Then you won’t have to worry about going through the couples’ bases!
Other sex metaphors in baseball
Here are some more baseball analogies about sex that you might hear. From the dugout, some amusing wordplays!
# Grand slam: The grand slam is a goal for those who want to succeed at sexual baseball. A grand slam is a sexual encounter in which the female orgasms. Anal intercourse is frequently referred to as a Grand Slam.
# Balk: Premature ejaculation is known as a balk. This is also referred to as a ball by some.
# Strike out: If you don’t receive a kiss at the end of the evening, you’ve struck out. You weren’t even able to reach first base!
# Double header: It’s a double header! A double header is when two rounds of intercourse are held in the same night. There are no guarantees that peanuts and popcorn will be included!
# Sacrifice Fly: A sacrifice fly, similar to a “wingman,” is a friend who “takes one for the team” to ensure you wind up with the female of your choice for the evening. To put it another way, your friend picks the less desirable girl so that you can score with the more desirable one.
# Picked off — When a third party (such as a parent, roommate, or child) interrupts your sexual activity, you are said to have been picked off.
Stroll: A stroll is considered a sympathy move and is usually used primarily at first base. It happens when your date agrees to kiss you even if they aren’t interested in you. How do you know? By the kiss’s lack of intensity.
# Playing the field: Playing the field entails dating multiple individuals at once and not committing to a single partner.
# Pitcher: The man who is penetrating in male homosexual sex.
# Catcher: In male homosexual sex, the catcher is the man who is being penetrated.
Many individuals believe that using baseball metaphors to define sex is ludicrous in today’s current era of sexuality. They’re rethinking how we approach intimacy, and they believe that having a predetermined relationship base is an unneeded way to indicate where one is in a relationship.
While it is true that employing code terminology to discuss sex appears to be a bit foolish, it can be amusing to be light-hearted now and then when discussing a serious issue like sex.
# How Important Are The Bases In A Relationship?
To be honest, it’s a little strange to use baseball slang to explain and comprehend sex.
In truth, that metaphor may be a little too old and worn out to fit modern sex notions, especially because the base system assigns a rank to various sexual activities and oversimplifies incredibly nuanced human sexual behavior.
The foundations also ignore a wide diversity of sexual preferences, genders, fetishes, and behaviors.
Another critique of the basic system is that there is no “greater” or “far” kind of sexual touching than the other. After all, some people may already perceive kissing to be a very sexual encounter, while others may not consider it at all.
And, as long as the analogy of a “game” is used to define something as complex as sex, individuals (particularly men) may perceive sexual connection as a competition.
Aside from potentially hurrying partners towards a sexual goal all of the time, relying on the base system may also prevent you from having a genuine, happy, and healthy relationship.
In any relationship, sex is natural; nonetheless, it should be understood and conducted with caution. It’s not about how far you can go with someone because sexual arousal differs from person to person.
It makes no difference which base you reach or whether you forget what each base represents. The most crucial aspect of the scenario is your attitude toward your partner.
Instead of counting bases, establishing boundaries and mutual permission before, during, and after intercourse would be a healthier practice.
This ensures that you’ve articulated your desires, that you’re aware of your partner’s desires, and that both parties have given their consent – ensuring that no one is upset or disappointed.
Maintaining an open channel of communication ensures that you’re both at ease and focused on pleasing one other rather than reaching a specific goal.
Kiara is a trained Clinical Psychologist who spent most of her childhood in the United States and moved to India after marriage. She enjoys exploring complex and dynamic human relationships and what happens after we’ve supposedly achieved our happy ever after.