Hearing what husbands have to say about their wives is nothing new. Most of the time, husbands remark on how nagging their wives have become, or how neglected they feel, among other things.
It’s the same with marriage. There are some things about each other that we don’t like, but with effort, everything can still work out fine.
But what if you’re married to a bossy woman? This isn’t something we hear very often, particularly from men. However, it’s possible that it’s more common than we realize. How do you deal with a controlling wife without abandoning your marriage?
Those who have been married for a long time understand that every marriage has its ups and downs. Is your marriage, however, going through a rough patch right now?
Is your wife depressed, distant, and openly discourteous to you? You want to improve things but aren’t sure how.
Let’s look at some of the warning signs of a crazy wife. Once you’ve identified the signs of a disrespectful wife, you can work toward a productive response to the disrespect and, hopefully, marriage healing.
Respect for one another, even in times of conflict and disagreement, is a key component of marital happiness. One of the most painful situations you can find yourself in is a marriage where there is a lack of respect.
When you notice signs of a crazy wife, you may feel unworthy, ignored, or as if you don’t exist, and that everything you bring to the relationship is going unnoticed.
Even in a healthy relationship, most couples could benefit from some assistance in the areas of communication and cooperation. However, some of the issues you may face in your marriage may necessitate extra attention and assistance, such as research or various types of therapy. Couples in a marriage should respect each other and work together as a team regardless of other issues. When one partner attempts to control every aspect of the relationship, the household, and even both partners personally, the relationship becomes toxic, which is a serious problem, especially in long-term relationships.
You may believe your wife isn’t controlling, but you could be mistaken. One of the most common misunderstandings about a controlling spouse is that it appears in the form of berating the other partner, physical aggression, or repeated threats or ultimatums. There are a variety of other ways for a controlling partner to exert control over her husband, especially if she is adept at making them appear insignificant. These additional signs of a controlling wife can be just as concerning, particularly if they appear all at once.
One spouse’s controlling behavior is undoubtedly emotionally draining for the other. If your partner is overly controlling, it may cause psychological problems for both of you. Some signs of a controlling wife can border on or even be emotional abuse in extreme cases. To avoid these situations, you must be able to recognize the signs of a controlling partner and know how to set healthy boundaries.
There’s no point in wasting time on this. If you’re reading this, it’s obvious that you’re dealing with a crazy wife. And we completely understand.
Saying you have a crazy wife carries a lot of weight, so here’s guessing you’re having trouble in your relationship right now, and her crazy person behavior isn’t helping matters… Is it getting hot in here?
Well, there is one thing: you’ve arrived at the correct location.
It’s not shameful to admit that you’re having difficulties. You should never feel embarrassed about dealing with things that are weighing you down to the point of no return.
Signs And Ways To Deal With Your Crazy Wife
Every great love story has a point where the grand illusions begin to crumble and the flaws become apparent. After the rush of endorphins wears off, the bathroom habits are revealed, the red-hot romance may cool, and that “happily ever after” appears to be unfolding in a startlingly different way than you imagined.
Deep admiration, commitment, and friendship remain intact in healthy marriages long after the rose-colored lenses have faded. But what happens after the honeymoon period, when you discover a world of dysfunctions and incompatibilities? Perhaps your spouse pollutes your peace of mind by making you anxious when you hear their footsteps approaching. Worst case scenario: your sanity and safety are called into question.
In other words, what if your relationship becomes toxic?
To overcome adversity, you must work hand in hand with your partner. Because relationships are a work in progress, they require your constant commitment and momentum to improve. You may feel that a lack of communication and respect between you and your partner is causing negative energy, frequent fights, and bitterness at times. At times like these, you must remain calm and work together to improve your relationship. Little things like having open and honest communication with one another can go a long way.
We’ve all had our share of difficult relationships with crazy ex-partners (and current partners), but if this person is worth fighting for, you owe it to them and to your marriage to stick it out and not give up when things get tough.
It’s not my intention to pass judgment because you’re the only one who knows what you’re up against.
Here’s to hoping you’ll give it a fair shot before calling it quits because this crazy wife was once so special to you.
Things didn’t seem so bad when your only fights were over where to eat or what to eat. If, on the other hand, your marriage has deteriorated to the point where you’d rather not speak to each other, you can’t help but wonder what went wrong. You may have labeled your spouse as a “crazy wife” if you feel suffocated or enslaved by constant restrictions and nagging.
If you find yourself wondering, “Why is my wife so crazy?”
We just wanted to be clear. ‘Crazy’ is not a term to be used lightly. Get your wife some help if you think she has serious mental health issues and needs it. Don’t call her a “crazy wife” and storm out.
But perhaps it’s been one of those days when your wife is enraged at you because of something you did in her dreams the night before. And you’re thinking to yourself that she’s suffering from some kind of crazy wife syndrome. Before we get into your “my wife is crazy, what should I do?” conundrum, let’s see if she deserves the label of “crazy wife” that you may have unfairly applied to her.
You can’t claim that your spouse has crazy wife syndrome if all she did was ask for your charger when your phone was at 4% and hers was at 15%. It’s a bad thing to do, but it doesn’t deserve to be labeled “crazy.” If she says, “I’m fine!” when she clearly isn’t, she’s probably just looking for a break from the relationship. Anyone would be irritated if you took 300 photos of them and none of them turned out “right”.
Everyone experiences mood swings and emotional outbursts from time to time. She could simply be expressing her needs or going through a difficult time. That doesn’t mean you have to think about “my wife went insane” all the time. Don’t go on an “I think my wife is insane” rant just because she asked you to hang your shoes or do the dishes.
However, there is a problem if she is constantly nagging, controlling, yelling at, or abusing you. But hold off on telling your drinking buddies, “My wife is insane!” “What should I do?”
While even the most loving couples experience ebbs and flow in their attraction, connection, and intimacy, there are some warning signs to look for that could indicate a toxic marriage and make you consider getting a divorce. We gathered experts to help you figure out whether you and your partner can save your marriage with some tender, loving work, or if your relationship is so toxic that you should consider moving on to breathe cleaner air. Because, whether legally obligated or not, a life of “turning the other way” is not a life worth living.
- Her words are constantly aimed at you.
It started with a few taunts, but the relationship has now devolved into damaging and hurtful verbal abuse. Nothing you do is ever enough, and nothing you do is ever correct. For everything you do or don’t do, she finds a way to humiliate, belittle, or abuse you.
You’re probably in an abusive marriage if she constantly calls you names, makes fun of you in public, exaggerates or overstresses your flaws, and throws hurtful, sarcastic jibes at you. Criticism is welcome, but it becomes a problem when it takes on a gruesome, sadistic tone. It’s as if the words she utters are solely intended to cause you pain. You lose your confidence and self-worth as a result of this constant verbal assault. You begin to doubt yourself and believe that you are, in fact, a terrible person. She persuades you that you are deserving of all the abuse she heaps upon you.
- She is controlling.
A controlling wife will deny you space and refuse to allow you to see your family and friends. She won’t respect your privacy and may even question where you were and what you were doing at all hours of the day. You may have a serious problem if you feel obligated to account for every minute of your time to your wife.
If you go against her and do something, does she become passive-aggressive or angry? Is she always attempting to take control of every conversation or decision? Is she attempting to demonstrate that she is the most knowledgeable? Do you get the feeling that “my wife is insanely jealous” because of her actions? If you answered yes to all of these questions, you have a serious problem, my friend.
- She’s always enraged at you.
Or at least it appears that way. When you get the feeling she’s always got a grudge against you for something, the atmosphere quickly becomes hostile. When things don’t go her way or don’t appear to be under control, she becomes enraged. The tiniest oversight or mistake is enough to send her over the edge and into a rage. There is a problem if she becomes enraged over the tiniest of things or minor issues. You’re in a toxic marriage if her anger issues have started to affect your life to the point where it’s impossible to have a normal conversation with her.
- She has threatened to harm you physically on several occasions.
This is both illegal and unethical. Let’s get down to business. At some point during your marriage, you’ve wanted to ‘kill’ your husband/wife. Of course, not literally! However, if your wife has threatened you with physical violence or attempted to physically harm you on multiple occasions, she isn’t in the right frame of mind.
It’s a sign that you should seek assistance. If this occurs or has occurred to you, we recommend that you seek professional or legal assistance as soon as possible. Staying in a relationship where physical violence is a constant threat can be detrimental to both partners’ mental health, especially the one who is on the receiving end. Your wife is endangering your safety, which is illegal.
- She frequently ignores or misleads you.
When you try to have a conversation with your wife, do you frequently get responses or statements like “I didn’t say this,” “I didn’t do this,” “You’re making things up,” or “What you’re saying never happened?” If you answered yes, you have been the victim of gaslighting.
It’s possible that your wife is gaslighting you if she treats you like a jerk for thinking what you think. You’ll start to doubt yourself, believing that you’re the one who’s to blame. You’ll feel befuddled and powerless, and you’ll begin to doubt your own sanity. Your wife may give you the cold shoulder for a few days if you try to stand up for yourself. As a result of such behavior, you may not even realize why you are being ignored.
- She sabotages or makes you feel guilty about your attempts to grow.
When you try to channel your inner champion by changing your eating habits, training for a half-marathon, or interviewing for a big-shot promotion, your wife may break your emotional legs with subtle jabs while pointing out your flaws. She might even accuse you of being selfish or unfair to the marriage because of your newfound self-improvement efforts.
This is due to toxic people’s fear of being outdone, outperformed, or left behind. You may be shamed, ridiculed, or bombarded with venomous language as a result of your insecurity, which causes your charisma to fade, your momentum to stall, and, as a result, asks you to crawl back into a shell of stagnancy.
However, in an ideal marriage, your wife’s love would be unwavering, encouraging you to bravely face the world and stand taller. Nothing about the relationship makes you feel like you’re becoming someone you don’t want to be.
- It’s possible that there are secrets to uncover.
The justifications and explanations aren’t adding up. You might have stumbled across secret bank accounts, enigmatic bar tabs, or suspicious emails. Or maybe it feels like every day is a maze of perplexity, and no matter which way you turn, another trail of doubt appears. When you try to get answers or confront a possible indiscretion, they either distract you or gaslight you, refusing to address your concerns with a tight-lipped refusal.
In the end, dishonesty contaminates the soil of relationships, because a bond is only as strong as the truth upon which it is built.
- They try to isolate you from others by weakening your individuality.
Marriage is not enmeshment, even if you are legally linked. Rather, it’s two distinct personalities with distinct ambitions, talents, temperaments, and histories who have agreed to navigate life together. Being married doesn’t mean you stop being your own person, whether you have little in common or nearly everything in common. Friendships, hobbies, and passions should all be pursued by each individual. So, if your spouse tries to suffocate your individuality and isolate you from society, it could be a sign of impending trouble.
Because isolation is a sign of toxicity, it should not be underestimated.
Under the guise of “I love you so much that I want to spend all of my time with you and have you all to myself,” is a form of abuse—one that asks you to give up your personal dreams and connections to any part of your life that exists outside of the relationship. It destabilizes you by reducing your support network.
- They deflect blame whenever there is a conflict.
Although disagreements between loved ones are unavoidable, Hood believes that taking responsibility for your part of the equation is essential for harmonious relationships. If you ask your partner why they erupted at you on the street curb in a toxic relationship, they may claim that your wandering eye caused them to go insane.
With a toxic partner, it will never come down to, “Please accept my sincere apologies. I made a mistake in that situation, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Toxic, abusive partners refuse to take responsibility (even when they should) and will avoid doing so time and time again. And it’s manipulative and over-the-top when they appear to take ownership, with no change in behavior to back it up.
- Intimacy is becoming a thing of the past.
Genuine intimacy goes beyond physical attraction and sexual pleasure. It entails emotional attachment. It can take the form of sharing a distressing situation and receiving a soothing embrace, a tender kiss, or a word of encouragement. It could also be as simple as cuddling on the couch. True intimacy entails the exchange of personal desires, goals, and demons, as well as having a soft place to land. When intimacy is withdrawn or absent entirely, each partner begins to feel unimportant, and the relationship suffers greatly.
If your wife checks all of the boxes on the above list, you should seek counseling or reconsider your decision to stay married. People may refer to it as the “wife goes crazy” or “my wife went crazy” problem, but this is the behavior of a bully. However, if the situation hasn’t escalated to the point of physical or emotional violence and you want to save the relationship, there are a few options available to you.
“What should I do about my crazy wife?” This question, without a doubt, weighs heavily on your mind. No, the solution will not be as simple as serving her breakfast in bed.
We’ll just tell you right now that changing your controlling wife into the person you married will be difficult.
# Ways to deal
- If you have a crazy wife, you must be the polar opposite of crazy.
“This town ain’t big enough for the two of us,” or, to put it another way, your house isn’t big enough for two crazies. If your partner isn’t having the time of her life, you need to step up and be the rock she can lean on. Calm her down if she can’t breathe. If she can’t keep her cool, do your best to diffuse the situation.
You must correct the situation, not match her vigor. When you allow yourself to become as enraged as she is, the result is a game of “who can scream the loudest,” in which no one wins. The Dalai Lama’s patience will be required for this undertaking.
- Make a firm commitment to making your relationship the best it can be.
If you can’t come up with a solution right now, make a compromise. Earn respect if it isn’t already yours. Keep fighting when every day feels like a battle. We understand that saying it is easier than doing it. However, if you have a determined mindset, your chances of saving your marriage increase significantly.
Tell your wife that you’re not giving up on the relationship and that you’ll go to any length to save it. You won’t be able to return to the honeymoon phase, but who knows, maybe you’ll find a deeper love? Also, you never know, after seeing the amount of effort you’ve been putting in to make the marriage work, your wife might want to become a better version of herself.
- Don’t let the relationship deteriorate.
“I believe my wife is insane.” I have a grumpy wife, so I’d rather avoid it until it passes.” You won’t get anywhere if you approach the problem with this attitude. When problems go unaddressed, they only get worse. When you recognize that your relationship requires improvement, get to work right away. Don’t wait for things to improve or get easier on their own. Until you make them, they won’t. If your ‘miserable wife’ appears to be getting worse, consider how you can assist her in feeling better. Don’t wait for her to reach a breaking point; there’s no turning back now.
- Investigate why this is happening.
Every relationship benefits from communication. When both partners have a productive conversation, they are one step closer to figuring out what is causing the fights or the ‘craziness.’ If you have a controlling wife, figure out what’s causing the problem. Is she afraid of something? Is she worried about something? Is she putting too much pressure on you?
Figure it out and get to work on fixing it because if you don’t, your mental health and peace of mind will suffer, and your marriage will suffer as a result. It’s not as simple as buying her a present every time she’s upset. These gestures may work a few times, but they will not solve the problem.
If you don’t figure out what’s causing the problem, it’ll only get worse.
- Be open and honest, but be prepared for retaliation.
If your wife has become completely irrational, it’s entirely possible that expressing your feelings or attempting to explain your point of view will enrage her. We’re sure it’s the most irritating and infuriating thing you’ve ever experienced, but you don’t have much of a choice but to work around her. When she’s in a good mood, talk to her and make sure she hears your side of the story.
You’ll need to improve communication in your relationship to get to a point where you can be honest with your wife. A strong and successful marriage requires open and honest communication. You must always remain calm, even if she is screaming at you. We understand that it’s easier said than done. But you’ll have to do it for the sake of your marriage.
- Avoid wallowing in self-pity.
“What is it about my wife that drives her insane?” What is going on with me? I’m not allowed to even express my feelings.” These are common thoughts that we’re sure are running through your head right now. You’re a human being, so you’ll be sad. You will be upset if your wife says hurtful things. You are allowed to be sad, upset, or angry, but if you want your marriage to work, you must not allow these emotions to control you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Things will become more difficult to accomplish if you allow yourself to remain depressed. Put on a smile and start the kettle, even if you have to fake it.
- Do not flee the scene.
The temptation to flee the crime scene (read: bedroom) and cool off alone can be strong at times. But you must fight that urge with everything you have. You won’t get anywhere if you leave the debate in the middle. All of your efforts will be for naught. In fact, you may end up exacerbating the problem.
As previously stated, you must have the same level of patience as the Dalai Lama. Are you unsure what to do if your wife becomes ‘crazy’? Don’t let her down. Before you go to bed, try to resolve the conflict. Allowing it to fester like cancer, rotting the relationship from the inside out, is not a good idea.
- If you ask for respect, you will get it!
When you listen to your partner, figure out what’s bothering her, and try to solve the problem while remaining calm, it’s only natural to expect respect in return. Make it clear to your partner that you expect to be treated with the same respect you show her.
It is impossible to overestimate the value of respect in a relationship. This is something your wife should be aware of. When a relationship is built on mutual respect, communication becomes easier, and the mood at the dinner table improves.
- Seek professional assistance.
If things get out of hand, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A professional therapist can assist both of you in reaching a happy and contented place in your relationship. If you talk to your wife about the importance of seeking professional help, you might just be able to save your marriage. Dealing with thoughts like “why is my wife crazy,” “my wife is insanely jealous,” and “what is wrong with my wife” on a regular basis can be exhausting and overwhelming. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a marriage counselor or even a psychotherapist. Enroll in a couple’s therapy program. You could certainly use some assistance. You must be exhausted from putting up such a strong show of patience.
While love is worth fighting for, some relationships are unsalvageable.
The most perplexing aspect of ending a toxic relationship is that there is often genuine love woven into the chaos—whether it’s a faded memory of love or elements of love that have endured over time. This is one of the reasons why toxic relationships are so difficult to spot and leave, and why they can last for years—even decades.
The real danger is that the abused feels trapped, possibly losing sight of what is real, as the dynamic becomes increasingly toxic and then extremely abusive. That’s when things can get dangerous.
As difficult as ending a relationship can be, packing up a life you’ve built with someone, untangling from sacred ties, and reentering the world on your own can feel daunting. People often allow themselves to be trapped in bad marriages with partners who refuse to change because it is so overwhelming and frightening. You must seek safety and support at this time, as well as allow yourself to grieve the loss of the good. Relationships aren’t supposed to be painful, frightening, or even particularly difficult. And everyone is deserving of so much more than a life of “making do.”
Kiara is a trained Clinical Psychologist who spent most of her childhood in the United States and moved to India after marriage. She enjoys exploring complex and dynamic human relationships and what happens after we’ve supposedly achieved our happy ever after.