Sex. The fact that one aspect of the concept of physical intimacy could be so crucial for a relationship these days, shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of us. Sexual compatibility is a major necessity when it comes to a romantic relationship; and of course even more so, if it’s purely consensually sexual.
Which essentially means that one can’t afford to let things go drab in the bedroom. Especially if you’re a woman who is looking to keep her man satisfied and obsessed with your performance in the bedroom, then this article is for you. So, how do you keep things exciting while doing the nasty? Don’t worry, we got your six.
Contrary to popular belief, men love it when women take charge- ESPECIALLY in the bedroom.
Good foreplay is underrated, but what’s even more underrated is the idea of the woman calling the shots. So here are some tips to drive up your libidos and essentially climax mutually, and then go for round two (devil face smirking emoji).
Tips on Riding Your Man (Or cowgirling, if you may)
So you’re all dressed up in your sexiest lingerie, your garter belt emphasizing on your ass so much that your man can’t take his eyes off of your eyes; your bra making him wanna pull it off and just.. uhhh.
Making out, getting handsy, engaging in foreplay, you know the drill. Once that list is all checked, it’s finally time to take the bull by the horn(y)s.
- Assert your dominance from the get-go.
Men love a confident woman. A woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. Take control of the situation before even getting on top; push him on the bed and rub his dick. Once he’s hard, get it out of his boxers, and oh well, get creative. Some fellatio, maybe? A good hand job whilst asserting yourself in control should be all the proof you need to believe just how much men love a confident, (sometimes) assertive woman.
- Slow and steady, wins the race.
First things first, do not rush into it. That’s the rule of thumb. Slowly push him down to lay on the bed, and get on top of him. You could begin with establishing that you’re now in control, that you’re taking the wheel. Do so by maybe planting kisses on his body starting from his forehead, and further down south, thereafter. Once you reach his genitalia, a little head (oral) would make him give in to the idea of submission, if he hasn’t already given in by this point. Begin with the utmost gentleness, until going all in, in the heat of the moment.
This is probably the only time you’ll want to be sloppy, though. Be as sloppy as you can be unless you’re asked to be otherwise. Once it reaches the point of enough lubrication, slowly come up, and oh well, very slowlyyyyyyyyyyyyy.. position yourself on it.
- Position well to avoid injuries.
First and foremost comes positioning. If you get the positioning right, half the job is considered done. Make sure his dick is hard, and then position yourself in accordance with its natural angle.
That essentially helps you both with better stimulation and you’ll also be able to ride him for longer. Done wrongly, it would tire you out easily and worse still, it could injure him. Bad positioning could also lead to the dick slipping out often, which poses a high risk because if it slips out and you end up crushing it with your body weight, that’s an injury. Ouch.
- God helps those who help themselves.
This might not sound like the best tip, but trust us when we tell you to be a little selfish and please yourself first. When seated atop your man, you’re in control; and what better a situation could you find to take advantage of the control you exercise than to please yourself as if your man were an object meant for you to ride. Men don’t usually mind this unless you’re having too much fun and just forget to be considerate. Once you’ve managed to please yourself, you can focus and devote the rest of the time to pleasing your man in the nastiest ways possible.
- Comfort comes first.
Make sure you’re both comfortable (also VERY aroused), and slowly begin feeling him inside you. This will catalyze the loss of inhibitions and a loss of any possible scope for coyness. Once you’re both comfortable with the idea of what’s about to go down, it is a lot easier to have fun and enjoy it instead of wondering whether you’re doing it right. There’s no wrong way of doing it, till the time you’re both comfortable and enjoying it. That’s the only right way, too. Is that too much pressure? Well, we can promise you that it won’t be, not when you’re doing it.
- Keep it ‘silky’ smooth.
No matter how much of a fan your man might be of your tresses, we think it’d be in both your interests to have your hair tied up when you’re riding him. This ensures that the both of you have a better view of each other’s face and make the act 100x more intimate, than the possibility of a few strands of your hair going up his nostrils and a few others, in his mouth. Not a pretty picture when you think about it? It’s worse in reality. So get a hair tie or get creative, but tie your hair up when riding the bull.
- Eye contact.
It is of the utmost importance that you maintain eye contact as if asserting control, whilst also establishing that you see him, beyond just the physical aspect. You can always try switching up positions, and maybe give him a better view of how good that thang looks when it’s bouncing up and down on his schlong. If you don’t know if your man is an “ass guy” or a “rack guy”, you’ll surely know by switching positions and facing the other way so that he can enjoy the view; and in the off chance he is actually an “ass guy” and enjoys this as much as you do, you can always place something under his butt (like a thick, folded comforter) for a more extensive, profound and deeper penetration.
- Keep it juicy.
Squeezing yourself on his dick is always a good idea, but what’s better is a repetitive motion of squeezing and pulling up; like squatting and squeezing. Grind and mix it up with a back and forth, up and down, and a round and round motion. Essentially, you’re supposed to be giving your man a lap dance, with the only difference being that in this case, his dick is already inside you. Stroke his dick with your clitoris and your vagina by using your legs to go up and down. This also ensures that you’re grinding your way into his heart, too.
- Switch it up.
Unless specifically specified by your man, you do not necessarily have to ride him until the two of you reach an orgasm. You can switch it up with different positions, and maybe even try different kinds of furniture around your house to do it on; maybe sit him down on the tan leatherette couch out in your living room, sit on him, and ride him with his face in your chest, while he grabs on your booty as if he were holding on for dear life; or on the kitchen table where you’re laying on it with him on top; or maybe even in the shower standing against the wall with your back turned to him while pounds on to your rear as if you were a nail and him, the hammer. Keep switching it up for an everlasting spark in your sex life with your man.
Pssshh… Wanna know a secret?
The more exciting your sex life is, the more obsessed your man becomes with you.
This is your cue to spice it up a little. Grab that whip, and get you a leather suit. 😉
- Arousal is proportional to libido.
If you feel like he’s not as excited, and wish to excite him beyond measure, arouse him. Different tingling sensations in several regions of the body might probably make him implode, but most definitely will excite the living wits out of him. Arouse him by touching his inner thighs or gently running your nails along his waist; maybe even whisper nasty things in his ear in your seductive best voice and it might just get the job done. You get the idea.
Now sex can often be like music, and good music means it’s gotta have good rhythm. Keep it rhythmic. Go slow or speed up, until you find a tempo that fits perfectly for the both of you. Either that or keep alternating (in accordance with your energy, of course) between taking it slow and bunny hopping as if you were riding a goddamn noble steed.
- Watch him enjoy it.
When you look at him having the time of his life, here’s to hoping it excites you further. Because trust us when we tell you it, men love this position. Primarily because it gives them access to your booty, your boobs, your face, and the rest of your body (without actually doing any of the work). You’ll probably see him play with your boobs, spank your cheeks, caress and stroke your skin, and also make out with your face when he gets excited and starts pounding you from under you. Not to forget that you have unlimited access to his body as well; feel free to play around and see what arouses him and what doesn’t, you never know just how surprised the both of you could be by the end of it. And your job is also to continue and make the most out of it; he’ll probably gobble up your boobs and you gotta enjoy it; don’t shy away from telling him what feels good and maybe instruct him even, to continue doing it. It is a two-way road, after all.
- Exhaustion! Rejuvenation.
‘Riding the bull’ can be very exhausting. So either take it slow and take your time to get better at riding for longer, or ensure that there’s enough pre and post-coital rejuvenation involved. Because if not, you could be looking at dehydration amidst other symptoms of excessive physical exhaustion.
- You have control. Exercise it.
Since you’re in control as the dominant in this scenario, we advise making the most of it. If you feel his excitement fading (if you feel he’s going soft on you), re-engage in foreplay, give him some head, and get him to get his head back in the game.
- Ensure his comfort.
You need to understand that with great dominance, comes great responsibility. Make sure he’s comfortable. Ask him if there’s something he’d like; if there’s something you could do; or if there’s something he wants to do, and let him. Sex- is like dancing. No matter who takes the lead, it takes two to tango.
- Variety. Versatility. Vulgarity.
Now you never know which V will work when; except the one that you’re already thinking of- because that works every single time. Variate between the (inter) course you follow on the usual. Coitus shouldn’t be monotonous, not ever. Switch up the order, switch up the foreplay; don’t restrict your activity to a certain limit and/or order. With that in mind, please also ensure that you’re versatile yourself as well, and open to ideas from your partner. Versatility in terms of the things you’d be open to experimenting with, with your man. Not with your comfort at stake, just be broad-minded.
When we say zero inhibitions, we mean it. If you think vulgarity is something your man would enjoy, you know the drill. In the words of Sir Jason Derulo, “Talk dirty to him”.
- Be a good dom.
For this to become a regular thing, you’ll need to establish that your being in control is a good thing for him, too. Go the extra mile, make sure the temperature is just right, and the music is perfect. Caress him, make him feel loved and protected, but all of that whilst knowing who’s the boss. A classic case of Stockholm Syndrome.
- Communication is key (even to an orgasm!)
Communication happens to be an essential part of every aspect of every relationship. So, communicate. Tell him what you like and how you like it. If he’s having trouble finding your G spot, guide him to it. Ask him dirty questions, insinuating whatever it is that you both want to hear. Moan your heart out. Men often take it as a compliment when women moan, so it gives them an ego boost and you’re already having fun which is why you’re moaning in the first place; so win-win, I guess.
When you communicate, you know better than to assume. Let both your orgasms be a team effort.
Now when we say accessorize, it could mean anything. And that’s how we want to portray it, too. You could accessorize your room in a way that you could incorporate it into your s-expedition(s). You could accessorize your bed to maybe restrain one of you, as per your wish. You could accessorize your outfits (roleplay, lingerie, etc.), and maybe even incorporate sex toys every once in a while when you’re feeling particularly experimental!
- Sex can be intoxicating, and how!
Speaking of intoxication, you can try different substances to have sex on. Alcohol (if you drink) is supposed to be an aphrodisiac beyond compare. But ensure that the two of you drink in moderation; because the last thing that you want is one of you throwing up on the other or passing out before you can get to it the main item on the agenda!
So the next time you go drinking, you’ve got things to do after so drink like it.
- Put your observational skills to some good use.
With every movement of yours, observe your partner with all your sense. Sometimes, your man might not tell you what he likes and what he doesn’t, but if you observe his body language around said movements, you won’t need for him to tell you if he likes it or he doesn’t, you’ll know and you can switch it up per your discretion. To give you a few reactions to watch out for, you could look out for any signs of your partner not liking it; for example, random grunting/groaning, with a displeasured expression. Again, you gotta observe carefully, because that could easily be him nearing his peak orgasm, too.
Touch yourself as you’re riding him; better still, make him touch you while you’re riding him. Even though this might be restricted to certain positions, do it for stimulation for yourself, and do it for your man to feel good about himself while feeling good being grinded on. Meanwhile, you can return the favour by touching him and giving him an out of body experience; stroke his testicles, grab his neck with both hands, rub your lips against his, and maybe kiss his neck or something. Your man will most definitely go crazy must you do that.
- Rough, not tough.
As the both of you get hornier with each passing second, let all that hot, steamy passion a little prominent. Dig your nails in his back gently, and leave a few hickeys on his neck for him to show them off around the next morning. Bite his collarbone gently, and grab the hair on the back of his head as you feel him throbbing inside of you; licking his neck and whispering dirty things in his ears. Do things along these lines, and watch him moan for you like never before.
- Show those curves off, babygurl!
As you ride him, you’re going to be feeling ultra confident and behemoth in terms of how you see yourself, so use it to your benefit. Arch your back and throw your head back; put your hands on his thighs for more support. Let your hair free as you grind and hop on his dick with your back arched and your head thrown back making your neck visible and your breasts more prominent; it is gonna be the final blow needed to make him orgasm explosively.
At the end of it all, the idea is to be intimate with your partner whilst spicing things up. Sexual compatibility is an integral part of any romantic relationship, but it shouldn’t put you in a spot where you’re not comfortable. In no way whatsoever is this article intended to tell you what to do if you don’t want to do it.
As for being intimate with your partner and keeping the spark going is concerned, there isn’t a sureshot way of doing that, but we’re *pretty* confident that if there was one, it most definitely would be this one. Jokes apart, we recommend that you keep comfort and consent as your top most priority before going ahead with any and all sexual activity. Practice safe, consensual sex and let your bodies go with the flow, sometimes. You’ll end up surprising both yourself and your partner. Just don’t let it get monotonous, always keep spicing things up.
Maybe try some bondage and discipline. Hehe, just kidding.
Or are we?
Kiara is a trained Clinical Psychologist who spent most of her childhood in the United States and moved to India after marriage. She enjoys exploring complex and dynamic human relationships and what happens after we’ve supposedly achieved our happy ever after.